Gordon Lightfoot: Now that 13 Reasons Why is over, how can we keep talking about mental health?
The Netflix show has prompted conversations about mental health since its 2017 premiere; now that the fourth and final season has been released, what conversations will we continue to have?
Dylan Minnette as Clay Jensen, in his therapist Dr. Ellman’s office. Photo: David Moir / Netflix
On June 5, the fourth and final season of 13 Reasons Why was released. I started the season that evening, a Friday, and finished it by Monday. I've been watching the show since the first season premiered in the spring of 2017; I wrote an analysis of the first season of the show, which you can read here. Although I didn't write about the second or third seasons, about ten minutes into the first episode of this season, I knew I had to write about it again.
This piece will contain spoilers for Season 4 of 13 Reasons Why – so if you haven't watched it yet, maybe bookmark this page and come back to it once you've finished (unless you don't care about it being spoiled for you… then read on, I guess!). And, as with past seasons of the show, this season covers some very intense topics: depression, anxiety, suicide, substance abuse, sexual assault, violence, etc. If you're concerned about these topics as triggers, then this series may not be for you. 13 Reasons Why is incredibly entertaining and has the potential to help us start some powerful conversations about mental health, but please remember to take care of yourself first and foremost.
Rather than a critical review or an analysis of what the writers and producers did right/wrong this season, I wanted to write about what I have taken away from the final season of 13 Reasons Why, and what conversations I hope to continue having about mental health. The storylines and characters have sucked me in since the beginning, but the biggest reason I've been drawn to this show since the beginning is how it relates to my own experiences with mental illness. Despite what after-school-specials and PSAs might have you think, mental illness is not always easy to describe, and it's never pretty to see it play out. Nothing fits in neat little boxes, and while people can (and do) grow and change and better, everyone is flawed – even (especially) in their recovery - and 13 Reasons Why won't let you forget that.
This piece is not exhaustive; there is so much material in the show, and I'm not even close to diving into everything. My focus is on mental health, and you'll see a lot about Clay Jensen (since he's my favorite character and the series' central character throughout), though I'll touch on other characters. With the premiere of the first season in 2017, the show sparked a conversation about suicide and how it's portrayed on screen; sexual assault and our responsibility to each other; how we can look out for and take care of our friends. These conversations aren't always positive, and they're never easy to have, but now that 13 Reasons Why is over, here are some things to keep in mind as we keep talking about mental health.
Mental illness doesn't discriminate, and it isn't pretty.
People who have a "good life" don't get mental illness, right? Wrong. On the surface, Clay Jensen's life is pretty good: he has two parents who love each other, and who love him; he has a roof over his head (and in the later seasons, a whole outhouse that he shares with Justin), a warm bed to sleep in, and a fridge full of food. All of his "needs" are taken care of, right? But he's had panic attacks since the fourth grade – long before the show begins, and long before he meets Hannah Baker – and that's not something that can be avoided just because someone has a "good life."
From his struggle to get up the energy to shower in Season 1, to his night terrors and eventual time in the psych hospital in Season 4, watching Clay's mental illness play out on screen isn't easy. Having a loving family and a wonderful home life doesn't make him immune to mental illness. It's damn uncomfortable seeing this all happen, but toning it down would be a disservice to the people who do experience this in real life. No one is immune to depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, or substance abuse, regardless of how "normal" their life may seem.
People may be struggling more than they let on.
Everyone in school knew that Hannah Baker was being bullied, and it's likely that her close friends – like Clay and Tony – knew that she was depressed and struggling because of it. But what they didn't know was that she was ready to end her life. She cut her hair, quit writing poetry, and withdrew from her family and friends; perhaps those around her thought she was just taking time for herself since she'd been sad, but in reality, those are all symptoms of depression and warning signs for suicide. When you see a change in someone, it's a good time to check in – even if they haven't sought help yet, they may need it and might be struggling more than they let on to you.
Clay's history of anxiety is mentioned in Season 1, and though it's not explicitly mentioned at first, it's also clear that he's struggling with depression. But by the opening of Season 4 – where we see him wake up in a cold sweat from a night terror, and soon purposely cut his thumb with a piece of glass – things are much worse. Throughout the season, we see him hallucinate and "lose time" – coming to after minutes or even hours of having no awareness of where he's been or what he's been doing. Eventually, Clay's therapist, Dr. Ellman, tells Clay that he has been dissociating.
To the viewer, who sees Clay's hallucinations, night terrors, and dissociations play out on screen, it's obvious just how much he's struggling – but for most of the season, he doesn't let on to his friends. Anxiety can make you feel like a prisoner inside your mind, trapped inside your body; depression can make you feel like everyone hates you, and there's no point in connecting with anyone. Living inside a mind with mental illness can be scary, but actually telling someone about what's going on in your head can be downright terrifying. The symptoms of mental illness aren't always obvious – how many of us have looked at a friend and thought they were just "Clay/Cray" or "Clazy", only later to realize they were actually in a very dark place? – which is why it's important to check in with people all the time, and not wait until they're in immediate crisis.
Take care of yourself first.
From Season 1, all Clay wants is to be a hero, to help someone. He couldn't save Hannah in time; devastated that the girl he loved has taken her life, instead of facing his own grief, he tries to find justice for her after she dies. The anguish of the "what if" stays with him throughout the show; we see that Clay not only cares about his friends, he feels responsible for them and their safety (think: talking Tyler down from shooting up Spring Fling at the end of Season 2). Early on in Season 4, he admits that he only feels wanted when a friend helps him, and when it comes time for college interviews, we see a hint of pride as he talks about how much he has his friends' backs.
Wanting to help your friends is a good thing, right? But is this a coping mechanism for Clay? Is he going above and beyond for other people so he doesn't have to deal with his own feelings – because he can't deal with his own feelings?
I think so, anyway. In a dissociative state – born out of intense guilt, which he's unable to express consciously - he spray-paints, "Monty was framed" on the walls at school. He tries to watch out for Zach at a college frat party; a few episodes later, he fails pretty spectacularly, driving drunk and landing himself and Zach in a car crash. Ani reminds Clay early in the season to "put on [his] own mask first", something he wasn't able to internalize just yet. You can't pour from an empty cup, and as his guilt, paranoia, depression, and anxiety continued to spiral out of control, Clay wasn't able to take care of anyone else.
It's not until close to the end of the series that we see this come to a resolution. Dr. Ellman tries to ask Clay about what he's feeling; Clay only ends up frustrated, asking, "What does it matter what I feel?". He's had so much trouble taking care of himself that it's jarring for him when someone wants him to talk about how he feels. If we take care of ourselves mentally and physically, we're in a much better place to help those we care about.
The caretakers need to be cared for.
From spreading photos of Hannah in Season 1 to being raped and then bringing a gun to the Spring Fling in Season 2, to realizing in Seasons 3 and 4 that maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel for him, Tyler has had an intense redemption arc. He sought professional help, and with the support of his friends rallying behind him, he was able to get better.
Early in Season 4, as the crew get ready for and attend the Valentine's Day Dance, viewers can see Clay's mental health worsen – is it PTSD? Psychosis? Schizophrenia? Bipolar? At first, we don't know – and as we watch, we want to scream at Clay's friends, who demand so much from him, but don't (or can't?) help him in return. He knows that his friends count on him to be strong, and doesn't feel that he can tell them about what's going on. Case in point: after Clay escapes from the hospital, Tony comes over, demanding that he rally to check in on and help Tyler – but Clay, who's barely hanging on, just doesn't have it in him to help anyone right now.
Remember to check in on the people in your life who are caretakers; just because they're so good at helping others doesn't mean that they, too, don't need help. If a helper suddenly isn't able to help, that doesn't mean they're suddenly selfish – it probably just means they need someone to look out for them in return. Sometimes people become caretakers and "warriors" for others because what they really need is to save themselves, but they haven't come to terms with their own issues yet. Other times, we assume that the person that's always helping others is doing so because they're strong and don't need help – that they have so much joy and wellness, they're spreading it around them. This doesn't mean that every helpful person needs desperate saving – but you know that friend who's always asking how you're doing, who's always there with a phone call, a pizza, a hug, and a funny movie when you've had a bad day? Chances are that friend could use someone looking out for them too.
Believe in your friends, and believe in recovery.
Tyler succeeded in getting past his issues largely because everyone believed in him, rallying behind him in Seasons 2 and 3 as he worked – hard – to change. Imagine if Clay and Tony hadn't been so ready to look out for him – if Clay hadn't talked Tyler off a ledge, he would've shot up Spring Fling, likely killing and hurting several people.
Justin had long struggled with substance abuse, and in the opening of Season 4, his friends are celebrating his return from rehab; Zach – in complete disregard for the occasion – shows up drunk. Justin breaks up with Jessica, stating that he can't be in a relationship right now; while he tells her about wanting to get better, she complains that she doesn't know the person he is now. Later, when Matt and Lainie decide to drug test the boys and Clay's test comes back positive, he's quick to blame Justin, assuming he'd switched the samples.
Recovery from addiction is not a linear process, and relapse is common. At first, Justin seems to be doing well, but eventually, he starts using again. Would things have looked different if, once he got out of rehab, his friends rallied around him like they did around Tyler? By acting like he'd relapse immediately and assuming he was always lying and had negative intent, the friends showed that they didn't fully believe in Justin's recovery. What if Justin had sent a "Gordon Lightfoot" text that was met with people showing up physically and emotionally, encouraging him to continue his hard work in recovery? While (as stated above), it's essential to take care of yourself first and foremost, having your friends' backs and believing in their recovery can make a world of difference.
Be honest with yourself – confront your demons, and tell your story.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but therapy is not an easy fix. There's been a big dialogue around "asking for help" or "getting help" over the past few years, but is anyone talking about what that help actually looks like? Because it doesn't end with one conversation. Working on yourself is work, and sometimes that work sucks. As Dr. Ellman reminds Clay, therapy isn't easy; sometimes it hurts to face what's going on inside your head.
Throughout Season 4, Clay repeatedly gets frustrated with therapy – but that doesn't mean it isn't working. Towards the end of the season, Clay is finally ready to address things. For the sake of the plot, we needed to see him struggle with things for multiple seasons (those dissociations and hallucinations wouldn't have happened if he'd been frank with himself). As a viewer, it's maddening to see him refuse help, going so far as to escape from the psych ward.
We expect Clay to know what's going on inside his head – following the episode-by-episode discussions in the 13 Reasons Why subreddit, I saw fans throwing around diagnoses ranging from PTSD to schizophrenia to dissociative identity disorder, things they'd claim as "obvious" – but that's not really fair. How many high school kids (and really, how many adults) know how to articulate what's going on with them mentally? Most don’t - they just feel the need to get those emotions out somehow, even if they're not processing them in a healthy way. The reality is that humans don't always immediately come to terms with the things that might be obvious to those looking from the outside in.
It took Clay hearing Dr. Ellman share his own life story to open up and speak the words of his story. Yes, his issues started long before Hannah came into his life and ultimately died – but like many of us, he can pinpoint a specific event when things started going downhill. Looking back, I definitely showed signs of depression in middle school, but if you ask me to tell "my story," I'd begin with those mean girls I ran into the first week of ninth grade.
It's okay if "your story" doesn't start at "the beginning," and instead begins when things changed for you, and you realized something wasn't right. Sometimes you have to come to terms with what that beginning is before you can truly conquer your issues. To overcome the dissociations and hallucinations that came from unresolved trauma, grief, and guilt, Clay first had to confront them and address the root of things head-on.
If you're struggling, you're not alone- but you have to open up to your friends.
If there's anything we pick up from Seasons 3 and 4 of 13 Reasons Why, it's that secrets and lies don't help anyone. They only lead to paranoia and guilt, and if you're Clay Jensen, night terrors, hallucinations, and dissociations.
One of the things about depression is that it is really hard to open up to someone – even the people close to you – for fear of them hating you, not understanding you, or being let down that you can't "just act normal." But what if Hannah had really, truly opened up to Clay? She might've learned that he dealt with a lot of the same things she did; feeling understood, what if she was able to get help sooner and tell her parents or a professional that she was having suicidal thoughts? What if she'd talked to Tony, instead of leaving the tapes for him to find? Though annoyed at her at the moment, Tony cared deeply for Hannah – and would've gone to the ends of the earth to help her if he knew how bad things were.
Everyone likes to say that "you're not alone," but you can't feel less alone if you're not honest and open with your friends. The Liberty High kids have developed a system for reaching out: when one of them texts "Gordon Lightfoot," it's a code that they need help. Don't we all want friends who are ready to show up at the drop of a hat like that? Of course we do – having a strong support system means we're not alone. But our friends can't be there for us if we don't tell them what's going on. 13 Reasons Why has helped me feel less alone in some of my struggles, and it's helped me frame conversations in my own life – I hope it can help you in that way too.
Keep moving.
In the series finale, Clay is voted class speaker.
Yeah, I was surprised too, but I guess after the riot, he became quite popular. Anyway, at graduation, he gives a speech, telling his classmates that he suffers from anxiety and depression, and reminds them to "keep moving."
Saying that "you're stronger for your struggles" is a tired cliché and a damaging one. If our struggles make us stronger, does that mean the only way to be a good person is if you've suffered? I don't think so- but I do believe that our struggles often shape us. For that to happen – for the diamond to come from the coal - we have to keep moving. We have to find the motivation to take that step forward. We tell a friend, we call a therapist, we make that appointment, we go to that first appointment, we begin to tell our story.
And then we keep on moving. Mental wellness and recovery are a journey, not an event. You can and will get better, but it's not about walking through the door. It's about continuing down that path for as long as you need. For many people who struggle with mental illness – maybe even most – that is a lifelong path. It's not easy, and you're bound to mess up along the way, but you can be happy. You deserve to be happy, and you will – if only you keep moving.
For more info and resources, visit 13ReasonsWhy.info. If you're in crisis, please call 1-800-273-TALK or text Crisis Text Line at 741 741.